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Entertainment & Humor News and Articles
On an island of over 4 million, there are tens of thousands of restaurants. Our writers do their best to cover the most must-taste and must-avoid from every walk of culinary delight, coast to coast.
Here is just a fraction of what we've found and are reporting on.
Latest Humor & Entertainment Headlines:
Tourist Assaulted in Puerto Rico by Rogue Wall - On a pretty normal day, a day not unlike today, I expressed midway through a movie-film that it was time for me to take my leave and empty my teeniest, tiniest bladder against the best chronological conveniences of those around me. Mind you, we've had all kinds of problems with movie theaters in Puerto Rico, but none compared in my mind to the assault I suffered unto the face upon merely not paying attention to where I was walking.
Spiderman Collectible Trumps Other Tourist Glory - If there's one thing I love more than anything, it's a "thing". Can't tell you what it is, but it's probably something, and something I really, really love. What I can tell you is what I love more than that, and it's another thing. Not just "another thing" but the other thing, which is the joy of a random toy, regardless of where it is. This article is in edification of that random, second thing.
Waterproof Sunscreen Ineffective Against Crying - When selecting a brand, type and configuration of sunscreen, it's important to bear in mind your needs, lifestyle and personal habits. For us, it was easy to choose a high SPF rating, opt for the waterproof, and go with a trusted name brand. What I didn't take into account was my personal propensity for crying, and none of the brands had anything to protect me from that.
Botanists Shocked by Porcupine Tree Discovery - I've established my reputation as a discoverer over the past few years to the point where there's plainly no need to defend myself any further, so when I discovered this latest thing, the Caribbean Porcupine Tree, I expected immediate acceptance and recognition, but it seems those so-called "botanists" are an elitist group, somehow deferring instead to their "existing record of known plants."
Satire News Site Announces Twice Daily Publication Schedule - One of the oldest satire websites on the net, Glossy News, has announced to the surprise of many that they are returning to a twice-daily publication schedule. While traditional news may be dying off, this misfortune may be the very grounds for the 7-year-old spoof news bellwether has been able to get back on top of the fake news game.
Nightmare Profile – The Search for Lost Luggage - Something woke me up the other night in a cold, hot sweat. It was so disturbing I swore I'd write an article about it, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. I should really start keeping a journal or, for that matter, learn how to write but, in the meantime, I'll tell this story in its stead; that of the tale of lost luggage.
Terrible Game Review: Chicken Shoot for Nintendo Wii - There is no shortage of reviews that show just what a terrible game can be bought in "Chicken Shoot", but I somehow let my desire to get a good deal overcome me when I made my purchase, even though I had read the reviews, and I really did know better. It's not so much that you should expect something spectacular for $14.99, but the real problem is that stores simply shouldn't be carrying garbage of this sheer incomparability.
Puerto Rican Coffee, or Why You've Never Had Any - Before the Spanish-American War, coffee was one of the strongest industries of Puerto Rico. Along with sugar and tobacco, it dominated exports. So why is it today nearly unheard of?
Crush on Dora of Explorer Fame Finally Realized - Like any good American, I watch an inordinate, almost embarrassing amount of television. Personally, I'm partial to cartoons and shows involving adults dressed as oversized animals, typically dancing around while pretending to teach some lesson or other, but what I'm most partial to is that most alluring of child-centric starlets, Dora the Explorer.
Keanu Reeves Has Earned 1/4 Billion from The Matrix - If you're a big fan of The Matrix, or The Matrix Reloaded, you likely assume Keanu Reeves earned a hefty Hollywood sum, and you'd be partly right. He did earn a massive pile of money, but it was more like a Kingly sum. Of course, if you're a big fan of The Matrix Revolutions, you're either imaginary or someone who hasn't actually seen the film.
Airlines All Equally Yucky at Customer Service - With all the articles I spread and share the world over, you've got to hold an ounce of doubt about me. I'm young, less-than-seasoned and juvenile in more ways than I'd ever admit short of my own daddy paying it unduly upon me after I've already cleared an article to run. Beyond that, a big thing I've learned is that there are no good airlines left, not even a single one, and that they're all just a bunch of clowny-jerks. That's right, I said it, "Clowny-Jerks!"
Caribbean Could Benefit from Qualified Exterminator - I know that us beggars are of the sort that we shouldn't also beg to be "choosers," but sometimes the shoe fits, the meme matches and (in this case) the bugs just bite too hard. Pardon my begging booty a minute but, is it just me or could the whole island or Puerto Rico benefit significantly from the work of a qualified, competent exterminator?
Saunter Ponies-Up Fun, Regardless of Naysaying - Think back, if you're able, to a time when you were outweighed by a load of groceries. Sure, it was a simpler time, a time when even the littlest things made you happy. I know this because I am myself so unafflicted by the confines of gravity, and the things of greatest minutia indeed delight me in spades. In this case, specifically, it's a pony.
A Night with the Spanish Harlem Orchestra - I went to go see the Spanish Harlem Orchestra. I know, perhaps it seems strange for those of you paying attention since I pathologically avoid Nuyorican things, not because they're not of quality, since they are, just that Puerto Ricans and Nuyoricans are two different groups of people and I can only stretch myself so far. I guess that'll be something else for me to explore later on.
Pizza Trailers Find Profit in Licensed Cartoon Theft - I love pizza and commercially licensed, protected cartoon characters as much as the next guy, but when it comes to full-price pizza sold at a cost equal to the piracy of the very same cartoon characters who lured me over in the first place, I've got a beef, and it ain't that mystery meat sprinkled liberally between the melted mozzarella.
Idol's Jorge Nunez Slated for Elimination Tonight - If you've been reading Puerto Rico Lifestyle the last few weeks, you know we've done our best to promote the best and brightest of Puerto Rico in America's biggest popularity contest. Our promotion of Jorge Nuñez and Tatiana Nicole del Toro hasn't been a strict matter of pride, but a matter of talent, even in the face of the odds we know are stacked against them. Well, sadly, Jorge Nuñez put on a show-stopper of a performance, and tonight he'll leave American Idol.
American Idol's New Low: the Tatiana Del Toro "Nude" Libel Begins - We can't pretend for a minute that Tatiana Del Toro is our favorite to take the top spot in this 2009 American Idol competition*, but she's still a human being, and as hard as Idol executives are working (Fremantle, 19-Entertainment) to undermine the very humanity of Puerto Ricans, this new revelation has simply gone too far… Now, it seems, there are naked photos of Puerto Rican finalist Tatiana Del Toro. Don't believe it, folks, you've got the propaganda all wrong.
Gúanica Dry Forest Has Something for Everybody, Except Humans - Deep in the heart of the bowels of the east, southeastern portion of Puerto Rico lies an unusual place. Not just unusual on the island, but across the world. Puerto Rico is home to one of the exceptionally few "dry forests" and it's a site to behold, assuming you have the hydration to behold it… which statistically, you don't.
American Idol Shuns Puerto Ricans, Embraces Nude Model "Bikini Girl" - American Idol's contentious and often despised "Group Week" has come and gone, but if there is one thing we now know for sure, it's two things: Puerto Rican's are only being included for the sake of novelty, and tasteless, human jokes are still free to move forward in the competition. Sure, we're looking at you, Norman, but worst of all, we're looking at the nude photo posing "Bikini Girl" Katrina Darrell, whose naked photos have already shown up online.
Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga for Nintendo Wii - Of all the cut-rate games I've bought for the Nintendo Wii, none meant much for me than headache. After buying the Nintendo Play (which came with a controller, so I was warned to have low expectations,) and falling for another title I won't even bother naming, my faith in the system was entirely shaken… and then I found Lego Star Wars, and my modern gaming life just may now be complete.
Chaseable Pigeons Revel in Survival-Based Fitness - Unbeknownst to most animals, they are among the chaseable creations. I have proven that even scavenger and parasite species that require our presence to survive are never more than a few rapid steps away from being chased. Research further proves that these chased critters just love being pursued.
Passports Pointless por Puerto Rico - In my culture we have many customs but, if you ask people who are not from my culture, you'll find that their experience of American customs is very different. Thing's like body cavities, racial profiling and all kinds of assorted awkwardyness. What's odd though is I flew more than half a day, but never crossed these "customs" clowns.
Sharon Osbourne Continues Wicked Reputation - We've seen that Sharon Osbourne and wondered how much of the icy face we see is put on by MTV and how much of it is the machinations of her own inner demons. Between the erratic behavior on her American obscure end cable show and what I've learned from the likes of Ricky Gervais, I had to wonder, but when I finally got my screener copy of the BBC hidden camera show "Balls of Steel", I knew for sure… that lady isn't just crazy, she's straight up evil, almost as if she's trying to reinvent the very devil herself.
Humor: The Universal Language - In Puerto Rico, as elsewhere in the US, 2008 was a year when race and national identity were front and center on the national stage as Obama waged his historic campaign to become the first non-Anglo Saxon man to win the White House. It's no wonder then that even in the world of satire and humor, Obama remained at the center of it all (despite the fact that humorists everywhere lament the departure of the easy target that Dubya provided).
Surviving Long, Foodless Flights to Puerto Rico and Beyond - Apparently things were different before 9/11, but nowadays, airlines aren't just cheap, but they've reinvented cheapness in ways that really astound. If ever there could be a way to make air travel more inconvenient and uncomfortable, they've figured it out. So here's a couple ways you can make your flight more bearable.
We Be Jamón - You thought that jamón was a thing of the past? No, no, we bee jamón, and I think this ham is gonna last. Being in the Caribbean, I think of all other things Caribbean, no matter how loosely associated. So when I see a sign that offers jamón y queso, I know I just have to say the word and we'll be jamón 'til the morning comes.
Fun Valley Park Café Cuts Visit Costs by Half - One of the most enjoyable things we did in Puerto Rico was our visit to the kooky amusement park near Arecibo called the Fun Valley Park. I guess it was in a valley and I'm pretty sure it was a park, but what I know without a doubt is that it was fun. Only thing that could have made it better was the café, which did make it better, both by price and quality.
Municipal Cemetery Offers Wide Selection of Free Bouquets - Especially during summer months, it's common to arrive at the famous Camuy Caves to find they have already sold out for the day. In such cases, turn that frown about halfway upside-down, kind of into a straight line across your face, because there's something half as good just around the bend.
J-Lo's Ass to Secede From the Union - After months of inflationary pressure and exterior expansion, sources close to J-Lo's ass are reporting the beefy rump intends to secede from the main body of Ms. Lopez.
McRestaurant McAlmost McReminds McMe of McHome - If you've ever traveled, whether it was across town or across the world, the one thing you wanted more than unlimited outgoing calls from your room was something familiar that reminded you of home. In my case I could think of nothing better or more familiar than passage of those golden arches through which kids come out happy and cows come out hamburger.
Baby Pony Silent, Technically a Little Horse - We had our third shot at giving our local Puerto Rican hotspot a chance the other day and it went pretty well. We once again enjoyed fine food and a good half-hour on the playground, but this time we upped the auntie's ante and partook of the diminutive equine staff on hand and enjoyed ourselves a rousing round of pony rides to boot, despite our wearing sandals.
Michel Thomas Spanish Lessons Effective, Hysterical - I know I'm being a bit juvenile here, but we got four different language courses for our big trip to Puerto Rico, and they're all very different. Some are lousy on a good day, others pretty good (but much too long) and one is really, really great, but it's still comical to me. What can I say, Spanish is a funny language.
Fort Caprón Perfect for Everything Except a Visit - We've traveled far, wide, deep and always shallow, so when we were looking for fun things to do in the humble, seaside town of Gúanica, Puerto Rico, we dug in our research heels as best we were able to find things worth writing up. As it turns out, Fort Caprón should be omitted from this list in every case.
Hurridean Cain is Super, Man: Category-3 - We're a bit behind the ball reporting on this one, but Hurricane Dean swept through our Puerto Rican quasi-paradise, and we lived to tell the tale. Sure, you might point out it was barely a category-3 hurricane when it swept across the open ocean some 300-miles to the south of us, but we were pelted with torrential rains, screaming winds, and it was still the sort of thing that makes news, and not just by our own admittedly low thresholds of newsworthiness.
August Christmas in Full Swing at K-Mart - I'm no chronologist but I do know that Christmas is a time of reindeer, penguins, polar bears and bitter cold. Snow is hit and miss, and I guess that since none of these things exist in Puerto Rico, the launch of the Christmas season is open for interpretation. Thanks to K-Mart, we now know it starts in August.
Puerto Rico Children's Museum No Place for Kids - We took a trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico last week and we saw a bunch of newsworthy things that really rocked the boat of our ability to take the cake. We'll cover all of them in uncomfortable detail in coming weeks, but first I have to point out the horrible travesty on child-named attractions that is the Puerto Rico Children's Museum. All I can say is that it's no place for kids.
Superb Lookout for/from Cabo Rojo Lookout Fort - If you're driving south from Cabo Rojo to the southwest corner of Puerto Rico, also known as Cabo Rojo, which is a bit odd, be on the lookout for the tree fort to end all tree forts. I'm just sure that you, as you read this, are surely on the verge of driving this route, so I'm glad I can offer this great advice at such a timely juncture in your life. Hey man, it's what I do.
Arecibo Lighthouse Pirate Cave Worth the Trip Itself - Every once and so often there comes around a noun that leaves such an impression on me that it deserves a double-review. Last year, Remlinger Farms got that much and more. The Boudin Bakery in San Francisco got two. For our stay in Puerto Rico not much was deserving of two reviews except for Fun Valley Park and the amazing Pirate Cave at the Arecibo Lighthouse, which is just that good and it gets a second review too.
Zoo the Only Place Not Run by Monkeys - I've traveled far and wide; I've seen zoos in four different countries and I've loved them all. Nothing surprises me at the zoo any more, but plenty of things delight me. What does surprise me is how poorly visitors are treated in Puerto Rico pretty much everywhere except for at the zoo. Leads me to believe the zoo is the only place in Puerto Rico not run by monkeys.
Puerto Rican Restaurant Boasts Playground, Pony Rides - Just off Highway-2 in the south of Puerto Rico (about twenty minutes west of Ponce) is the sort of restaurant you read about. I know I read about it on roadside signs in a good 30-mile radius, so when I had the chance to dine at Gaby's World, I jumped all over it and was rewarded in ways no restaurant has ever even tried.
Review of Fort Caprón, Gúanica, Puerto Rico - In the area to the south of Puerto Rico, halfway between Ponce and Cabo Rojo, you'll find the town of Gúanica, which has little in terms of tourist offerings in a traditional sense. You've still got all the local culture and Caribbean sites to help you unwind and enjoy, but aside from that, it's not really geared for tourists, per se. That doesn't mean there's nothing to see, and Fort Caprón is one such exception.
Gúanica Lighthouse Review - Another testament to how painfully little there is to do in Gúanica aside from relax and drink ice cold cerveza with the locals, is the Gúanica lighthouse around km-marker 4 on Highway 333 south from Highway 116. It's interesting enough for a six-minute visit, but once you've seen it, you've seen it, and you're done.
Arecibo Radio Dish Must Get Like a Billion Channels - When traveling through the parts of Puerto Rico that are not the capital city of San Juan there are many "must see" attractions, but there are only two that really take whatever cake it is that people love so much. One is the caves at Camuy, but the one that's just about as popular is the radio observatory at Arecibo. I've seen satellite dishes before, but this one must get, like, a billion channels.
When in Puerto Rico, Check out the Camuy Caves - Assuming you are in, or shortly going to be in San Juan, Puerto Rico, and you have enough time to pop out of town for a jiffy and check out whatever sights there may be to see, a not-to-be-missed attraction is the Camuy Caves. They're rich in bio-diversity (despite the tourists), fun enough for all to enjoy (despite the hike) and well worth your time (assuming you can get in on your first or last try).
Parque de Bombas, Ponce, Puerto Rico Doesn't Suck, Kind of Funish - If you're ever in Ponce, Puerto Rico and you hit the old downtown area, you'll find it almost impossible to miss the Parque de Bombas, which is the age-old firehouse which has been converted to a free museum run by the city. It's an odd spectacle, but at the all-time low price of "free" it's worth almost every penny for the journey.
Fun Valley Park Celebrates 6th Anniversary - It's been a tough go for the good folks at Fun Valley Park in Puerto Rico, and they've weathered the economic and political storms quite well. Most of their local competitors have fallen since they've been around, but smart business, and fun business too, has made them a veritable staple of the Puerto Rican landscape of entertainment, despite a most unfortunate beginning.
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